Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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