If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
