OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
