Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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