the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
