saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
