Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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