May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Randomize
