yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
