Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
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Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
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You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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