Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
