dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
