I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
