Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Another day, another engagement, another cat
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
this hospital has no fireball
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
