There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
