It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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