we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
