watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
