I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
