escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Couch. On fire.
Randomize