Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
