I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
God, I missed his penis.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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