i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
