we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
