Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
