and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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