at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
