look no pants
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
