remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
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We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
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You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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