Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
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