Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
