My brain says no but my pants say off.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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