Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
