i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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