Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
