I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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