last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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