im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
