I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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