that's an acceptable place to lick
My cat gives me a boner
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
