Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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