I smell stomach acid.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
