Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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