You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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