dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
