Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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