Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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