this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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