Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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