New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
