She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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