Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
