i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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