Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
