I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
