My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
