I must be too annoying 4 u.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
