i permit you to call me
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
