Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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