Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
