Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
